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Dear Food,
I've known for a long time and I'm sure you've felt the distance between us for a while, that this isn't working any more. Our relationship has never been healthy so this shouldn't come as a surprise. I've come to the realization that my relationship with you needs to change and in order to do that I need to go really far back to when it all started. So that maybe by writing down how this obsessive relationship started that we may get to a better, healthier place.
Let me start off by saying that I love you. I mean I seriously love you. But I think it's time for me to love myself more.
I started leaning on food when I was in kindergarten or first grade. I used it to feel better about being bullied and not fitting in anywhere. And that's how things were all the way through college. At least the first two years on campus. I met my husband when I was nineteen and that's when my dependance on food shifted to cheap convenience. When you are in school or then you start working, much of the time you don't have the time required to make something healthy, or most times no money. Heath food is expensive. You can spend 20 dollars for the fixins to make a good grilled chicken salad, or you can buy five boxes of hamburger helper, meat, and veggies and have enough to make dinner all week. When I started working I buried myself in my job and dinner was always late at night so not only are we eating something loaded with salt, we ate at 8pm or later.
Skip forward to seven years later where now I have a baby, working, and at night when she's asleep, staying awake to do artwork for some extra cash. Eating is a large unhealthy meal that comes but once a day for me and the soda, oh my goodness the amount of soda I am capable of consuming just to keep the pace. So now, having only eaten once a day I have been destroying my metabolism and the sugar is killing me. And people that eat like this, that eat like I do. We are killing ourselves. And it's time that I take care of myself and love myself the way I should have been loving myself since 1990. Twenty five years of depending on food when I should have put my energy and loving someone more worth it. The past is the past. I have a lot to live for and a suffering body to whip back into shape.
This blog, is here at the end of every day. I will have nowhere to hide anymore. This is where I must be brutally honest with myself, my health, my weight, and my eating habits. Here is where I will record everything. And hopefully by doing so I will be on a better road to recovery. Not every day will be a good day, but with as much sarcasm as I can muster and with an irrefutable sense of humor, I am going to do this.
I've known for a long time and I'm sure you've felt the distance between us for a while, that this isn't working any more. Our relationship has never been healthy so this shouldn't come as a surprise. I've come to the realization that my relationship with you needs to change and in order to do that I need to go really far back to when it all started. So that maybe by writing down how this obsessive relationship started that we may get to a better, healthier place.
Let me start off by saying that I love you. I mean I seriously love you. But I think it's time for me to love myself more.
I started leaning on food when I was in kindergarten or first grade. I used it to feel better about being bullied and not fitting in anywhere. And that's how things were all the way through college. At least the first two years on campus. I met my husband when I was nineteen and that's when my dependance on food shifted to cheap convenience. When you are in school or then you start working, much of the time you don't have the time required to make something healthy, or most times no money. Heath food is expensive. You can spend 20 dollars for the fixins to make a good grilled chicken salad, or you can buy five boxes of hamburger helper, meat, and veggies and have enough to make dinner all week. When I started working I buried myself in my job and dinner was always late at night so not only are we eating something loaded with salt, we ate at 8pm or later.
Skip forward to seven years later where now I have a baby, working, and at night when she's asleep, staying awake to do artwork for some extra cash. Eating is a large unhealthy meal that comes but once a day for me and the soda, oh my goodness the amount of soda I am capable of consuming just to keep the pace. So now, having only eaten once a day I have been destroying my metabolism and the sugar is killing me. And people that eat like this, that eat like I do. We are killing ourselves. And it's time that I take care of myself and love myself the way I should have been loving myself since 1990. Twenty five years of depending on food when I should have put my energy and loving someone more worth it. The past is the past. I have a lot to live for and a suffering body to whip back into shape.
This blog, is here at the end of every day. I will have nowhere to hide anymore. This is where I must be brutally honest with myself, my health, my weight, and my eating habits. Here is where I will record everything. And hopefully by doing so I will be on a better road to recovery. Not every day will be a good day, but with as much sarcasm as I can muster and with an irrefutable sense of humor, I am going to do this.
